Rant #2

At this point, I know you're getting annoyed with me bringing the same thing up over and over again.

But honestly, making a decision that basically is a deal breaker is hard. Very hard. You win some, you lose some.

At this point, I need something solid, something that would make my decision easier. Some kind of assurance that if I do choose you, I know it's going to be okay.

But right now, it's still all a blur.

Give and take? Isn't that how this work?

Or am I just too naive to believe that this will blossom into something more.

Rant #1

I always seem to be blogging whenever I need to step into a whole new part of my life. My third year in the US, my last year, I'll be graduating soon and it's a big step into a whole new part of my life. So many unanswered questions lingering through my mind, I wish I could just ask my future self, what the right choice should be.

But yet again, what is right? I always try to make the right choice and do the right thing. What is the definition of right? A choice I supposedly make that no one else will disagree with. But wait, am I really the one making the decision.

Stepping into official "adulthood", I have to admit scares me but excites me. I feel like I have so many things to look forward to, but why do I keep feeling like I have so many things to lose. Stuck in this little bubble of mine that I can't seem to break through. Cheesy, but a serious conflict between the heart and the mind.

Why is it that what I want to do and what I need to do becomes two different things, things that I need to pick and choose from. Is this what my life has come down to?